


7 Themes of Envy Parenting

by orphan_account



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Character Analysis, Character Study, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 18:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14983286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Drabbles examining how Envy might act as a parent. Some positive, some negative. Trigger warning for possible emotional instability or emotional abuse.Narrated from second person point of view. The kid is a spoiled brat.





	1. Extracurricular Activities

**Author's Note:**

> Envy is nonbinary. I'm still trying to figure out a good gender neutral replacement for "Mom/Dad." For now I've settled on "Nin."

You've got soccer at 11:00, and your nin had to practically drag you out the door at 10:30. They let you sleep in so you could be well rested for your first game today, because you were too nervous to go to sleep last night. But they lost patience after you spent fifty minutes dissociating in the shower and didn't come down to eat your breakfast. 

They open the car door and shove you in to the passenger seat. When they get around on the driver's side they toss a lumpy tinfoil-wrapped package into your lap. You smell eggs and toast.

"Eat it, you need protein."

"Thanks Nin," you say, but you say it automatically and not with much gratitude. You're used to this kind of treatment and take it for granted. Envy always makes sure you eat, always makes sure you're on time. They're good about those sorts of things.

They hiss and curse at the slow drivers on the road. They don't speed, but somehow breeze the car easily through every green light. You eat your warm egg sandwich and have a little more time to worry about how you're going to perform today. You daydream about impressing the goalie, whom you have a crush on. 

Your nin pulls up to the front and helps you unbuckle your seatbelt, taking the tinfoil out of your hands and urging you out the door. "Go go go!"

You run to the entrance and quickly assemble with your teammates. 

When you're out playing on the field and coach calls a ten-minute break, you look at the bleachers situated behind the chainlink fence. You immediately recognize your nin because of their strange black clothes and long green hair. Their appearance has always been eccentric and embarrassing, but it makes them easy to spot.

They call out and wave their arms at you, and you roll your eyes, turning your back because you don't want them to call even more attention to themself or you. They laugh because they like to embarrass you in public. But deep down you're still grateful for their unconditional support.

Years from now you'll remember this moment with a pang of sadness and regret, wishing you'd walked over to the fence and at least smiled at them or something.


	2. Tears

You did something stupid and now you're crying about it. The guilt and shame is awful, it feels like the end of the world. You've ruined everything. You said something unforgivable.

Your nin just stares at you. They refuse to show any sympathy for your mistake. They go about their duties, try to ignore you. But you just keep crying and crying. Snot is getting everywhere and you don't have a tissue, there are thick strings of mucus hanging in ropes that stretch from your nose to your hands and sleeves, where you tried to wipe your face off.

Envy might be disgusted, but their face shows absolutely no emotion whatsoever.

After fifteen minutes of this they finally hand you a napkin. You try to quiet your sobs but it feels like you're choking. Your entire face is burning. You blow your nose and try to clean up the mess all over yourself. A headache pulses behind your eyes.

Twenty minutes later, after you've finally got yourself under control, you manage to say, "thanks," in a very quiet voice.

Envy doesn't say anything. They're still angry at you. But you have hope now, because they're not angry enough to not take care of you anymore. They gave you the napkin, so maybe they're starting to forgive you.

They sigh and continue with their tasks.

"Well, you were so pathetic, I couldn't just let you keep going like that."


	3. Books

"You haven't done ANY of it?!"

The textbooks sweep off the table and crash into the wall. Papers spill everywhere.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I do EVERYTHING for you, and this is how you repay me? FUCK YOU!"

You're crying again, and it feels like your heart's stopped beating. You really fucked up this time. Envy had to take you out of school because the other kids were making fun of you. They paid for your textbooks to homeschool you, but they're away at work everyday and without supervision you're lazy. You find every excuse you can to not do the work, not read the assignments or take the tests on your own. 

Your nin has been very understanding and nice up until this point. But it's over halfway through the year now, and if you can't pass the final exam you won't graduate sixth grade on time. You'll be a year behind everyone. And those books were expensive.

"FUCK YOU!"

The door slams.


	4. Suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal feelings and suicide attempt.

You remember one day when you were maybe eleven, in the kitchen with your nin. They were in a strange mood. It happened a lot, sudden downturns, where you weren't sure if they were even the same person.

"You know I often wish I was dead. But I have to stay alive for you. Maybe one of these days, if I can get someone else to take care of you, I'll kill myself." They continue cutting peppers as if they're not talking.

You bring up this memory with them many years later and they vehemently deny ever saying that.

~ ~ ~

You're seventeen now. You've started college applications and you'll graduate high school in about seven months. You're terrified. 

Envy drives you back and forth from school. It's an hour long drive, you live pretty far away from the city.

Everyday this week you've been staring out the window at the highway rushing past, imagining what you're going to do. You're going to unbuckle your seatbelt. You're going to open the door. You're going to jump out and your head is going to splatter against the pavement at 70 miles per hour.

Maybe you'll survive and live as a vegetable on life support.

You can see it happening every single day when you and Envy make this drive. It plays in your head over and over. Sweat beads on your forehead and your heart beats fast.

You want to die. But it's scary. The effort is terrifying. What if you fail? What if you break every bone in your body and still live?

Envy doesn't like it when you stare out the window. You think they can read your mind, that they know.

They recognize it because they've thought of it too.

During yet another argument about college, it feels like your heart is sinking, and your mind empties. And you decide this is it. It's the right moment.

Your nin sees you take off your seatbelt and starts yelling. It's only been one second, everything moves very fast. They immediately swerve off to the side of the road, and get out of the driver's side. They stalk over to your side, and you're moving slowly, but you manage to get the passenger door open and step out. You know that if you don't move on your own, they'll fling open the door and force you out, and you don't want that. It'll hurt.

Their face is contorted with rage. They don't touch you.

You step off to the side of the road. They slam the door closed and go back to the other side. They drive off and the tires screech as they leave you behind on the side of the road. You don't have a phone or a wallet.

It's very dark tonight. Headlights rush past on the highway from hundreds of cars, the lights glare in your eyes. 

You think about dashing out into the middle and letting a big pickup truck hit you, but then you finally realize, no. It'll cause a highway accident. Cars will crash into each other. Other people besides you will die.

But maybe that's just an empty excuse, because you don't really want to die after all.

You sit on the asphalt and wait, hugging yourself because of the cold. You know Envy's coming back. You know this is just something your nin does because they're angry and they want to teach you a lesson. They'll drive home, wait out their anger, try to make you think you've been abandoned, and then come back in an hour to get you. Because in the end they could never really abandon you.

And like clockwork, they do come back in an hour.

The drive home is silent. They're still furious.


	5. Vanity

Nin's worried about their looks. You often see them in the morning, pulling back the skin on their face or around their neck. They worry about getting old, they worry about the shape of their nose and the size of their eyes, and whether their ears are too far apart from their head. They become distraught if a new mole shows up on their skin, or a grey hair.

You tell them they're beautiful over and over but they think you're lying. You're not. But you can't seem to convince them otherwise.

You always watch them go about their morning routine. They shave their jawline smooth, they put on cologne, and skin-tone evener. They stare into a magnifying mirror that enlarges their pores and shows them every single flaw in unforgiving detail.

Sometimes you think you can hear them crying in another room, the word "ugly" repeated over and over. And you don't know what to do. You hope they'll feel better soon and everything will go back to normal.

In your immaturity, you demand them to promise they won't ever resort to plastic surgery. Because you think they are beautiful and you don't want them to change, you want your perfect nin to stay the same forever. 

They smile and ruffle your hair. Your affection soothes them, if only temporarily.

~ ~ ~

You'll realize, when you're older, what you learned from watching Envy suffer. You learned it's not worth it. Maybe you take it too far to the other extreme though. You should care about your appearance a little. But you don't. You refuse to think about it.


	6. Protection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for ableist slur

You're nine and you hide under the sheets of your bed, hoping Envy won't be too mad. They are. But it's not at you this time.

"Who pushed you off the slide?"

It was two older boys who didn't like you. You were up on top of the playstructure at school during recess. One of them said you were r****ded, the other one said everyone hated you because you act weird. Said you didn't belong here in school because you were stupider than everyone else.

They kept scaring you, kept pretending like they were going to hit you, and you backed up too far and fell off the playstructure. Your wrist is broken from the fall.

"Tell me their names."

~ ~ ~

Those two boys don't go to that school anymore. 

~ ~ ~

And neither do you. Because Envy is disgusted with the how slowly and reluctantly the school administration responded to the situation. You'll be schooled at home now, where no one can hurt you again.


	7. Jealousy

Your nin claims to be happy when you go out with friends. Says almost like a robot, "That's so great, I'm so happy for you!" Envy know that they _should_ be, as a parent, glad that their child is socializing with others.

They're not.

Envy's voice is cruel as they sit at the breakfast table, shuffling through papers. "Have fun last night?"

You're making toast and waiting for the bread to pop up.

"Yeah..." you reply slowly. "I did..."

Envy scoffs. "You wanna go live with them now?"

"No, I don't..." You think you might cry again, and you don't want to. Anger settles in your chest instead. You frown. You're not going to cry again. You're sick of crying.

"Hmph."

Envy continues to shuffle the papers.

You know that in a few minutes their mood will switch back to normal and they'll pretend this interaction never happened. It's just how they are.


End file.
